Oprah Says So...

Let's find a rhyme about feeling fine in 2009! Or just stop being fat. And disgusting. And unhealthy. Ah, ditch the rhyme and focus on not dropping dead.

OK, so maybe I'm no poet and most of my so-called wit entertains myself exclusively, but doodling around the house, catching up on my Oprah episodes I was struck with several questions that intrigued me. Oprah and her very lovely sidekicks Dr. Oz (the know-it-all, in a good way, dream doc) and Bob Greene (Oprah's trainer and guru to her soul) started out the week with this living your best life crap that's entertaining simply for the myriad of photos of Oprah's weight loss and irrefutable weight gain. Not that I'm judging. But why do you think weight loss shows are popping up at pandemic proportions?! People love to see fat people get thin. If the pudge don't budge? People love even more to see fat people get fatter! And if you do it Ala Biggest Loser: sporting spandex and oh-so revealing sports bras, the audience gets even bigger. Pan to the fatso eating something sloppy and get the extreme close up of the sauce creeping it's way out of the mouth, past the lips, and towards the chin - and holy Nielsen family you've got ratings!
I must tell you, I too am interested in watching these struggles. My hope is that some how Oprah, Jillian, or even Richard Simmons, for that matter, will come knocking on my door to beg me to get my thundering, cottage cheese laden ass up off the couch. So I watch, hoping the pounds can be shed vicariously.
And that's about the time Oprah asked me to answer some seemingly benign questions. She had already requested that I get paper and pen, and you know I obeyed, so with this in hand I began to answer and found some interesting, surprising, and revealing answers... Here they are:

Why are you overweight?

I am overweight because I have lost touch with myself. Meaning I don't know what I want. I should have desires, in the past those desires were not complex: simple joy was my mantra. I took the meaning away from that by letting my life go from stressful drama to mundane boredom. I have become complacent and have confused that with being healthy. True health needs to lie within my body, mind, and spirit.

What are you really hungry for?

I am hungry to be stimulated. I've found it to be very rare that I get excited as of late. I do still want that simple joy but I want to it to be matched with a racing heart or stimulated mind.

Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss in the past?

I don't know. I think it's because I don't try. Also I think I am unable to maintain weight loss because I expect instant gratification. Minor changes in weight or size weren't pleasing enough for me, results however big or small were only slight victories for one moment - I was still terribly, obtusely, FAT. I didn't believe I could change.

Why do you want to lose weight?

I want to lose weight to avoid health complications. I struggle with an aching body at 31 and realize, hey! I would like to make it past 60, and not be bedridden and ill! I want to be active - now and forever.

So, I'm still learning from TV, especially Oprah, because trying for the best life isn't crap, and admitting that sarcasm and hot wings isn't what life is all about is going to be harder than I thought. I'm already soft on the outside... it's starting to creep in and make me a softy at heart too... ew.